I was so blinded by my own short comings, that I thought this relationship was worth it, but since when have I ever settled for less?. I have allowed my dignity to go from a 10 to a 2. Not even a 2,maybe to a 0. I have no self respect of my own worth,my education and my experiences, I stepped on them with muddy shoes. I choose to lose respect for myself and expected it back from you, that would never happen.

I have fought again and again about you, about me and about us in my mind. I felt you deep in my heart, and I thought that was enough to keep on fighting for us, but my guts felt uneasy and my mind knew for a fact this was going no where. I fought with my ego and with my mind  for your attention. I texted you and deleted  break up messages. Thinking maybe you would change. Just one more move and we cool again, “maybe he is going through stuff”, I thought.

It came to me, the same way I always treat people who I don’t value much, was the same way you were treating me, and if they came covered in gold  I wouldn’t even give them a second glance, I realized not even my plea for attention, or the cute pictures on my timeline were going to bring you back. That was when that I realized  this  ship was sailed and I was standing solo on the pier .

My heart , ooh my heart, you were the last to get the memo, we cant push anymore Heart, we cant have the full happiness and skipped beats, we cant sing to the  feelings. We are going to feel like we just ate a very bad burger, bloated and sharp pains hitting us in waves. We  have to go through the same pain day and again, especially after waking up. The emptiness that cannot be filled by all the ice cream or chocolate in the world. We have to experience this now , because I cant deal with the agony of lacking the love I thought he  was giving us, the perfect illusion.